Am I really still here?

I don’t know about you but this healing journey is hard. Facing all of the demons you have carried. All the pain points and belief systems. I know, I have been on this journey for quite some time now, 8+ years. 8+ years of intense inner healing and shifting of belief systems.

It’s been good too. Good things have come from this journey of choosing into healing for myself and my family.

But I still wonder, Am I really still here?

Even through all the goodness, all the transformation, healing and growth. I still feel little, still feel stuck sometimes. Those old familar lies want to creep up and keep me hidden. To say “no one wants to hear your journey or story.” It all feels so massive an overwhelming.

But then I remember that there is no place that I am trying to “get to”. There is no destination, only more healing and hope. I don’t have to reach some level that says that I am good enough. That I am far enough for love now. I already am, good enough for love.

I was all along. The healing is extra. The healing is transformative and hope filled. It causes growth and keeps you going. It’s the light in the end of the tunnel that says “there is so much more”, more healing, yes! But more freedom, more hope. More goodness through all of it. So I remember to keep going. That God’s promises aren’t fully fulfilled yet, there is more to my story and my journey. There is more for me to do. Because I get to. Because I now know who I am and what I bring to the world.

And I will get there. To the place that I have been looking for. The place I long for. And I will find there too that I am loved, and enough. I will find celebration and joy that I made it but discover that I had everything that I needed all along.

The love of myself and my father, the one in Heaven that knows, wants more connection and more for me too.